The Best (And Funniest) Search Queries of 2015

Jan 04th 2016

The Best (And Funniest) Search Queries of 2015

With the holidays over and new year underway, we like to take the time to look back at the good, bad and downright ugly search queries that made it through some of our squeaky clean campaigns. Many of these come from campaigns just before we started managing them, while a select few did make it through while under our watchful eye.

But first, a brief lesson.

HOW SEARCH QUERIES WORK

What’s happening below is that, as search engine marketers, we target keywords. We don’t necessarily know what users will search for–in fact, Google experiences completely unique search queries 500 million times per day (http://www.cnet.com/news/google-search-scratches-its-brain-500-million-times-a-day/)–so we have to anticipate what prospects search for when looking for our client’s products and serve them an ad at the right position, at the right time and in the right place

The result is a search term or search query: what a prospect actually types into Google when our ad shows. Google then provides us with the ability to run a “search term report,” which shows what keywords we’re bidding on and the resulting search terms used that caused our ad to show.

An example would be:

Keyword in our account: “buy blue widgets” (phrase match type)

PLUS

Search term that a user types into Google: buy blue widgets on the internet

EQUALS

You can see from the example that  the keyword we are targeting is shorter than the full phrase that the user inputs, but our ad still triggers because it is relevant and contains the phrase “buy blue widgets.” At times, like some of our favorites below, this can be wildly irrelevant. Other times the “unique” usage of search terms provides insight into how users look for products, and allows us to expand our marketing by taking those search terms and targeting them with keywords.

For more information on match type check out Google’s official documentation here (https://support.google.com/adwords/answer/2497836?hl=en) or ask your SEM Strategist!

WHY THEY MATTER

Never underestimate the importance of mining your search term report for negative keyword additions. Showing more relevant ads by using negative keywords (NKWs) to stop irrelevant traffic from clicking on our ads, and utilizing match types to our advantage rather than Google’s, has a compounding effect: a higher click-through rate results in a higher quality score, which means we can bid less while still showing when our competitors do. As well, when we ensure our ads only show to users who have an interest in our products and not something else, we increase our conversion rate and also our on-site engagement, increasing the likelihood of repeat business or a customer coming back to purchase after doing additional research.

Now that you know how a keyword and search term works, I present to you our favorite search terms of 2015!

NOTE: Some of these may be considered a bit NSFW! Proceed with all due caution.

The Funniest Search Engine Queries of 2015

DIY & How-To

  • “homemade mri machine”
  • “laser cut deer head”
  • “how to measure from fire hose cabinet to another one”
  • “learn chinese in 1 day”
  • “eliminate stinky poop smells”
  • “dead body smell removal”

Business & Legal

  • “what would it cost to hire patrick stewart as a keynote speaker”
  • “new york state co-owner of boat died, who owns boat”
  • “temp agencies for felons”
  • “midget hiring services”
  • “how to get an english speaking customer service rep”
  • “how to become social media famous”
  • “get paid for instagram followers”
  • “timeshare in joint names and one has dementia whos responsible”
  • “make money sexting”
  • “is getting a blue ribben good at the fair”
  • “scheduling software for psychics online”
  • “oscar mayer wienermobile schedule software”
  • “attendance and fee management for horse lessons”

Health & Well Being

  • “what will happen if i take a adhd pill and a sexual enhancement pill together”
  • “how to fog someone’s brain”
  • “septic tank location for feng shui”
  • “when the judge or your spouse or your boss says you need to get into anger management program”
  • “take a survey to see if my penis is average big or small for the age of 43”
  • “female manager users water like a bidet & its on the floor”

Totally Random

  • “our tenant change the lock of the main door of the hose preventin us access to the house in case of emergency what can we do is”
  • “dermatologist sexy movie”
  • “what is the sweet substance made by bees”
  • “romantic getaway from vancouver”
  • “an attic stair like no other”
  • “does the starbucks rewards program shortchange customers”
  • “stores that sell shot glasses closest to location”
  • “Immediately followed by…”
  • “stores that sell drinking shot glasses closest to location”

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